


It Means Something

by LannaBanzai



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-21 15:41:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3697793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LannaBanzai/pseuds/LannaBanzai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma realizes exactly what Killian and their hugs mean to her. (Idk just some birthday fluff and feelings for my friend)</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Means Something

She hugged him.

She  _had_ to hug him.

She hugged him because she was  _scared_. Because she was losing her grip on reality. Because some author and Rumplestiltskin were trying to change her.

To make her  _bad._

To turn her  _evil._

She hugged him because he mentioned the darkness just creeps up in you, you don’t even notice. She could see in his eyes he was scared. He was terrified of losing her to the darkness, the way he had been lost. So she hugged him.

It wasn’t just comfort for him, or herself, it was reassurance. It was saying - _Hey, I’m still here. I’m safe_.- as they struggled to believe it.

They were  _here._

They were  _safe._

It was a breath long, then he buried his face in her neck. Breathing her in. He did that, she’d noticed, and she didn’t mind.

She  _thought_  she knew why he did. It was the same reason they held on tighter than they should. It’s the same reason why her thumb dusted it’s way across his shoulder. The same reason he pressed tiny kisses to her collarbone as she felt a smile tilt the corners of her mouth.

She could hear her parents taking in the background, they were discussing something important. She didn’t care what they were not so secretly muttering. Right in this moment she held one of the most important things to her.

He  _needed_  her, needed to know she was  _safe_ , she wasn’t going to give in to the potential darkness inside her, so until she had  _no_  other choice, she wasn’t going anywhere.

———————————————————————————————————

It was cold. The chill reaching her bones as she stared down at the storybook splayed out on the bench in front of her. Not really seeing, not really feeling. She had  _known_  they were lying to her.

_She knew._

She  _knew_  and she didn’t believe herself.

They were her  _parents_ , why would they  _lie_. Why didn’t they just tell her? It was like Rumplestiltskin all over again. Her life was planned out for her, they had everything planned.

Did she really have to do anything at all? She was just a pawn in their game, she didn’t get her own choices.

No, they did what they thought was best.

They did what they thought would be the best choice for  _her_.

But to sacrifice another  _child_ , another child’s  _choice_ , that was not something she ever expected them to do.

Did they not believe in her enough to let her make her own choices?

Did they really have that _little_ faith in an unborn child, one with a future planned out for her already, that she would stray from the good side?

Not that she’s been entirely good, stealing and prison and a child she couldn’t keep. His somewhat silent footsteps across the wooden planks of the dock sounded through her thoughts and she lifted her head to him. The tears springing to her eyes again.

She stood when he mentioned August, when he said August was going to be fine.

Maybe she wasn’t destined to be alone, not forever.

Maybe not  _everyone_  she loves will leave her.

As soon as she took his hand, as soon as she tried to smile, she knew she needed him.

_Needed to feel more than just his hand in hers._

So she did what came naturally, and she threw her arms around him. Holding him too tightly, but he understood.

_He knew._

His hand running up and down her back was a tiny indication that he understood.

———————————————————————————————————

She let her mind wander one night, wondering exactly why they held on so tight.

_Why he buried his face in her neck._

_Why she held on so tight._

_She knew why._

_She knew exactly why._

It didn’t take long for her to figure it out.

It started with  _Graham_ , the way she loosely held him in her arms, shaking him and crying his name. Very nearly begging him to answer her, to breathe, to blink, to have the beat of his heart return. She’d lost him, because she hadn’t held on tight enough.

Then it went to  _Neal_.

_Her first love._

She hadn’t held him close, and he died too. A whisper of direction left behind. Find Tallahassee, even if it wasn’t with him. At the time she had wondered what he meant by that, considering the way he said it, it was like he knew. That was ridiculous, at that time even she didn’t know. Well, she knew.

_She just didn’t want to admit it._

She almost lost Killian, to a curse, to water, to a fragile heart that is so easily crushed. She held his life in her hands, before putting it right back where it belonged. She already had complete hold over it, she was his happy ending, he said it himself.

_Though, she still didn’t believe how she could be anyone’s happy ending._

He wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her out of her thoughts as he nuzzled his face into her neck.

_She knew now, why he did that._

He’d lost people too, Milah, his brother, because he hadn’t held on tight enough. He let them slip through his grasp,  _just as she had_. But neither of them could afford to lose each other, so they held on tight.

_Perhaps a bit tighter than they should, but they didn’t mind._

“What are you thinking so hard about, love?” She shrugged, rolling over to face him. They were on the Jolly Roger, his ship. He had gotten her back, and she refused to stay with her parents, so she went to the only other place she felt safe.

_Him._

She smiled softly as she met his eyes, reaching up to run her fingers through his hair. She liked him the best like this, all peaceful and quiet, and without all the darkness in his eyes.

He always had a tiny smile on his face, and awe in his eyes, like he couldn’t believe she was here.

_That she was his._

Maybe thats another reason he held on so tight.

“You. Us.  _This._ ” She ran her teeth over her bottom lip, focusing on his hair and avoiding his eyes.

“What about it?” His body had tensed, she could feel it, so she moved her hand to trace the scar on his cheek.

“I like it…the way we do things. It’s different then what I’m used to, and I should be scared but…I like it.” He waited, his eyes searching hers, knowing there was more. “I finally realized something, something that should have been obvious but I had no idea.” She ducked her head, placing it under his chin as her hands moved to the charms he wore on his neck.

“Aye, what is it, Emma?” He was still slightly tense, wondering what she could possibly be talking about.

_He should know._

_She was an open book to him after all._

“You hold on tightly when you hug me.” She felt, rather than heard, his chuckle.

“I do?” She nodded, focusing on the chains to avoid the heat rising to her cheeks.

“You do. But thats okay, because I do too. I was thinking about it, thinking about why, and I realized its because we’ve both lost people…but we can’t lose each other. I can’t lose you.” She bit her lip again before meeting his eyes.

_They were shrouded with wonder._

“My parents lied, they betrayed me, my trust…but I know it’s safe  _here_. With you.” She pressed her lips to his, cutting off his obvious response. She pulled away with a light sigh, curling to his side and closing her eyes as his fingers danced patterns on her hip.

_Spelling words she couldn’t decipher._

“Thank you.” She whispered, feeling his lips press into her hair. “For staying with me.”

She was sure she imagined it, considering sleep had taken its hold, but she thought his arm tightened around her in a hug, holding her to him.

_Yes, they both held on to each other a little too tightly, but there wasn’t a moment where she would ever go back and change it._


End file.
